How to Be a Good Wife (Part 1)

1. Being a good wife is not easy, even if you have a near-perfect husband. To be a good wife, you have to be able to communicate effectively, to keep your romance alive, and to be your husband's best friend while maintaining your own identity. If you want to know how to do it, just follow these steps.
    
   1. Express your feelings and needs effectively. Your husband doesn't have clairvoyant powers. If you want something, ask. If something is wrong, say so. Don't drop hints or figure he'll "come around" or you'll never get anything done. If you want to be able to express how you feel, you should be able to speak with a positive tone and to listen to what your husband says instead of being accusatory. Here are some ways to do it:

    

    

   

   • Send "I messages." Instead of accusing him of not meeting your needs, focus the conversation on yourself. For instance, tell him, "I feel ignored when I don't see you until 6:30 every night."
   • Listen to what he says. When he tells you something, repeat what he said back to him so that he knows you understand. For example, "I hear you saying that you're worried about finances, and that's why you've been working late."
   • Avoid passing judgment. Let him finish what he's saying before you respond. After he's done talking, offer a solution. For instance, say, "I'm willing to live on a tighter budget if that means that I get to see you more often."
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   Pick your battles. Some issues are worth fighting about, and some aren't. If you spend all of your time nitpicking your husband about minor problems that don't really matter, then he's not going to listen to you when major issues come up.

    

    

   

   • Criticism can destroy arelationship. As long as the dishes are clean and unbroken, for instance, don't nag your husband about how to load the dishwasher "the right way." Let him do things his own way. Don't sweat the small stuff.
   • Avoid criticizing your husband without doing it constructively. Remember to try and be calm and rational, as strong emotions can easily turn a discussion into an argument. If you criticize every little thing he does, then he will quickly tune you out.
   • You should praise your husband for the things he does right much more than you argue with him about things that he does wrong. This will make him much more likely to listen to you, and much happier to be around you.
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   Be understanding when you discuss an issue with your husband. Fight right. Don't let anger take over because it may cause you to say things that you will regret later. Even when you don't agree with your husband, you need to respect his opinion and his viewpoint. To be a good wife, you need to understand that you may never agree on certain issues. No couple has an identical set of morals and beliefs, which means that both of you will need to learn to cope with occasions where you just can't resolve your opinions.

    

    

   

   • Talk to him at the right time. Don't just spring your problems on him whenever. Avoid bringing up problems before dinner, while he's paying bills or when he's immersed in a stressful situation, like fixing a problem with your car. And never, ever start an argument in front of your children.^[1]
   • When you're wrong, admit it. You need to learn to respond to arguments and remain rational so you can recognize and apologize when you've made a misstep.
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   Talk to your husband, not about him. Never talk to your friends or your family and say negative things about your husband if you're not communicating with him first. Talking about your husband behind his back is disloyal. When you get married, your first loyalty is to your partner, not to your birth family or your social group.

    

    

   

   • Complaining about your husband to your friends and family will not only not solve any of your problems, but it will also make them view your relationship in a more negative light.
   • Your friends and family may think they know what's best for you, but they don't know your relationship as well as you do and may unintentionally give you bad advice.

Be Accepting

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  Have realistic expectations. Neither of you are perfect. Unmet expectations tend to frustrate everyone. If your expectations are truly too high or unrealistic, then you need to set standards that are obtainable. For example, it is unfair to expect lavish possessions and have the love of your life home for every meal. If you want more together time, then be prepared to have that desire fulfilled at some expense.

   

   

  

  • Remember that no relationship is perfect. If you expect to get along with your husband and be happy 100% of the time, it won't work out for you.
  • Have realistic financial expectations, too. Maybe you and your husband aren't as far along financially as you hoped you'd be five or ten years down the line -- that's perfectly normal. Work on appreciating what you do have instead of expecting more.
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  Don't try to change your husband. Accept him as he is and let him know that you would never want him to change in any way for you. He has so much to offer you if only you give him the space to be himself. He is a growingindividual, just like you are. Love him for who he is, and he'll love you unconditionally in return.

   

   

  

  • Accept that you and your husband are not the same person. He won't always see the world the same way that you do, and that's a good thing. Being with someone who isn't exactly like you will make your relationship richer.
  • There's a difference between asking your husband to clean up more around the house and making him become a hiking fanatic when he hates the outdoors. You can ask him to improve in different areas, but you can't force him to like all of the same things you do.
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  Roll with the changes. You will experience crises together, from the loss of a job to the death of a parent. You may suffer financial hardship, or you may find yourselves unexpectedly wealthy and unsure of what to do. Your marriage can survive the changes if you're willing to keep communicating and being flexible. Here are some things to keep in mind as you learn to accept change:

   

   

  

  • Remember that whatever changes happen, you and your husband are dealing with them as a team, not as people on the opposite side of a battle. Dealing with the changes together makes them much more manageable.
  • Roll with the changes in your love life. Though you and your husband may still be passionately in love, don't get disappointed if he doesn't want to make love every night or to kiss you twenty times a day like he did when you were newlyweds. You can still keep your love strong without wanting it to be exactly the same as it was when you first got married.
  • Roll with the changes with your bodies. Though you may work hard to stay fit and eat healthy, you have to accept that your 50-year-old selves probably aren't as svelte as your 25-year-old selves, and that's okay.
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  Accept that having children changes a relationship. You and your husband's relationship will undoubtedly change and evolve once you bring kids into the equation. This doesn't mean it'll change for the worse, but it will mean that you will be spending a lot of your free time focusing on your kids instead of each other. Accept that this will change your relationship and work to make it thrive in new ways.

   

   

  

  • To help this transition, work together to spend time with the kids, when you can, instead of isolating yourselves by taking turns.
  • Find new fun activities that the whole family can do together to help you and your husband stay strong as you raise your kids.
  • Strengthen your relationship by acting as a united front with your husband. You should agree on how to raise and discipline your kids so that you don't get into "good cop" and "bad cop" mode and position yourselves against each other when it's time to control your children.
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  Accept your mutual mistakes. If you want to be accepting as a wife, then you have to be able to accept your husband's mistakes and to sincerely respect his apologies for doing something wrong (as long as it doesn't compromise you in a big way). If you hold a grudge too long, you won't be able to appreciate the good things about your husband, so it's best to accept his apologies, talk about how he won't upset you again in this way, and move forward instead of harboring resentment about the past.

   

   

  

• Accept your own mistakes, too. Don't be so focused on being the perfect wife that you can't admit when you're wrong.
• Admitting when you're wrong will help both of you grow as a couple.